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The Chronicles of TimlandTHE CHRONICLES OF TIMLAND
A FILM BY MARK MOTTRAM & GRAHAM HIGSON
Scene 1: Dodgy Sheffield accent voice-over as the camera view sweeps over the edge of a table to see a kind of Time Commanders set-up.
Blunte: 'Ey up. Ah'm Blunte, with an e, and this 'ere film is called Timland. Ah spent my entire life wondering if ah would ever get me own film, what people would watch for ever and ever, cause it was so darn good. An' people'd come an' get me ta sign autographs. Then ah quite foolishly got shot, so here ah am in heaven doin voice-overs because ah lost mah body in some waterfall. Uh, ah believe ah feature in this film, ah think. Anyhoo, here it is...
Meanwhile at the table HISTORIAN 1 and HISTORIAN 2 set up their blocks and prepare to do battle.
Hist. 1: Right, now as you can see today we are re-enacting the siege of Minas Timith. And I'm going to be Tim.
Hist. 2: Aaaw, I'm always Meot, why can't I be Tim?
Hist. 1: Oh quit whining. We'll toss a coin on it. Heads I'm Tim tails you're Meot
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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